. . . and the law won. Or whatever. The analogy doesn't quite work. The lawyer, aka Date #3 from my 3-date bonanza of a few weeks ago, told me tonight that he didn't feel a click after the first date. So he doesn't want to go out again. I told him I was confused because he called after the first date, and normally when guys do that, it means they are open to a second date. He said that he "doesn't like it" when guys don't call, so he called to "feel me out" regarding the situation. What does that mean? Maybe I was too eager on that phone call. There are different freaking rules for every date and every guy, it seems.
So, that means I have officially gone 0-3 on the date front. And there isn't much waiting in the wings. I have a lot of work to do, and I'm really discouraged, so my instinct is to take a break. My parents are constantly telling me that I can't take breaks, but they don't have to deal with the emotional consequences of the aftermath. I would also like to add that I have difficulty taking breaks myself, but the lack of prospects should help. I can go onto J-Date as much as I want, but I think I have run out of people until the next mass-joining. So, if you need me, I'll be working on some sort of arcane treatise and feeling, at best, inadequate.
6 comments:
He said that he "doesn't like it" when guys don't call
That's not an unreasonable position -- no one likes to be left hanging -- but then you have to tell the woman that you don't want to go out again. D'uh!!
There are different freaking rules for every date and every guy, it seems.
Sadly, that may be true.
Anyway, don't beat up on yourself (and try to ignore your parents). You're not the only one who's had trouble finding her beshert in the global shtetl. It's just really ... big ... and, like you said, there are no clear rules.
Take a break if you need one, but don't despair. There are many fish in the sea, and they can't all stink.
Forgive the name, but I've heard success stories from those who've used an online service called "Saw you at Sinai."
Caveat: I am in no way affiliated with any online Jewish singles' service nor do I approve of the name "Saw you at Sinai." I do not find it cute, or funny, or intriguing. Nor would I ever want to meet someone who insisted that we stood at a mythical mountain together three thousand years ago.
I've tried it, Zach. Most of the guys there are far more religious than I. Also having my profile be "declined" after it was shared with a stranger is not my idea of a good time.
I am taking a break, too. I decided to let my Frumster premium status lapse, so now I am back to being a basic member. Someone I wrote to who wrote back but seemed uninterested, so I said so, even wrote back and I will not pay money to read what he wrote. I reason that there is no point in continuing to do this online dating thing if I am going to be frustrated and bitter about it, as I am at the moment. (I don't feel like I need a break from being set up or dating people I meet in real life, but neither of those has done much for me of late. Still, I am open to it.) I am sure that I will come back to it eventually. After taking a several-months break once, I came back feeling refreshed, and things went better.
I do think both that there are many fish in the sea and that dating is hard and can suck. I empathize.
(Also, the less-frum version of SawYouAtSinai is JRetroMatch, I think. SYAS totally didn't work for me--they kept setting me up with guys who were not even in my ballpark intellectually or hashkafically--but I know that it has worked for others, so JRetroMatch may be worth a try if you feel like it.)
Hi Katrina,
Nice blog.
There's going to be more rejection in this game than the other way around, something I'm also coming to realize the hard way. It's a marathon, not a sprint, yada yada. Though every date does feel like a marathon unto itself. I also have bursts of activity and then nothing. Right now I'm doing more through shadchanim than online. At least there's a human being involved in the process, with some degree of accountability.
Would you mind adding me to your blogroll, and I'll do the same? Thanks.
Sure, Nice Jewish Guy. I have read your blog in the past, but not for a while. It's good to hear from a fellow traveller.
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