Friday, February 8, 2008

Two Strikes . . .

So here's the latest report from dating-land:

I told the Israeli guy that I thought we didn't have too much in common (or much to say to each other). He seemed pretty upset and asked if I was sure I didn't want to go out on one more date. I said yes. I felt bad about this but also found it to be a confirmation of the Murphy's Law of Katrina's dating: Apparently, another thing we didn't have in common was perception of what constitutes an awkward date.

Then, the guy from the second date, the fun one, told me today that he doesn't think we clicked or will click in the future. This one pissed me off. This is an older guy (10-15 years older than I am), and he is pretty average in terms of what people stereotypically usually look for in guys: looks, job, apartment, etc. On the other hand, he is pretty weird in terms of interests, which I will not delineate here for fear of being too specific. He basically had two concerns: we're at different places in life, and we don't have too many overlapping interests. Give me a freaking break. If I were his age, I would be eager to start a relationship, not looking for excuses not to start one. Perhaps I am naive, but it has never been my policy to try to date someone who is exactly like me. If two people spend time together, their interests will ideally get closer together. If you're a squash fanatic, I might start playing squash with you, and at the same time, you might start organizing your week around my favorite television show so that we can watch together. This guy is sufficiently weird that he will never find someone who has all of his interests. If that is his method, he won't ever find anyone.

And maybe that's the point. I spoke to a good friend of mine, a professor in New York, about this guy and the date. She expressed herself more eloquently, but basically she said that from my description (this was before I talked to the guy, based on my report of the date and the fact he hadn't called), this guy sounded like a freak and a loser. If people aren't married by his age, she said, it may be that they cannot give of themselves. (That may why be the very idea of doing something that he hasn't done before, merely because I am interested in it, strikes fear in his heart). She is frum, so some people might say that she has too narrow a view of what relationships should be, but in my opinion, ca. 40 is ca. 40, regardless of whether he watches TV.

From my perspective, another potential problem is that I am far more accomplished than he was at my age. In the frum world, this seems less of a problem than in the regular, Conservative/Conservadox world (Older Guy is an active member of one of the shuls I go to). That has to do with concrete socio-economic factors, and I am not judging either world, but the religious issues that I encounter are just piled on by guys sometimes not being interested in smart, ambitious women. I can't say that this was a factor for Older Guy, merely that it could have been.

The third date was fine, conversational but low-key, but I kind of doubt he will call, since I don't exactly seem to be batting 1000 lately . . .

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