Monday, July 7, 2008

Boyfriends and Blogs

TC and I have been back together for about two-and-a-half months, and I felt for the first time on Sunday that it is serious now. Please get your minds out of the gutter; this was not because we had sex or anything. I was visiting my parents, who live near TC, for a few weeks, and we were able to see each other more often than about once every two weeks, and things just feel . . . intense, if I had to sum it up in a word. This isn't bad. It's weird, in a good way, not to mention good, in a weird way, and it's kind of overwhelming, but, humble reader, I have an even more important (in cyber-space terms) question for you:

Do I have to tell TC about my blog?

He doesn't know it exists yet, which I tend to think is a good idea, since I have already blogged about: 1) our previous relationship; 2) my conflicted feelings for The Shaigetz, which I realize now didn't amount to anything but a certain type of frustration; and 3) his mother. I don't know if he would care about 1), and I could delete posts pertaining to 2) and 3), but then what's the point of having a blog? If I had a diary, I don't think I would share it with him. If I talk about him to my parents, brother, or BFF, I don't necessarily tell him. I realize there is a difference, though, because others read this blog, and a few even know who I am and therefore who he is, although many don't. I could keep my blog and limit my posts to those relating to Judaism and politics, but I have gotten kind of attached to sharing my not-hugely-interesting dating stories in the blogosphere.

So, I wasn't thinking of telling him right away, but what's the etiquette on this? I am not worried about "getting caught" because he is very NOT computer-savvy and never reads blogs; this is more an issue of mutual respect. How serious does it have to get before it's inappropriate for me NOT to tell him? And then I guess I should sanitize my blog first?


elf said...

These are all good questions. I wish I had good answers.

josh0 said...

Long answer

One friend of mine will sit down each new boyfriend or close friend and read through some of her blog with the boy. She uses different privacy groupings of users on LJ to allow groups people to access more and more intimate posts.

I kind of like how you label this your diary. I would rationalize it more like a writing journal. Do you write? Yes, but you need not volunteer it unless explicitly asked.

I think it's worth being willing to show and tell. Perhaps sanitizing your blog of some details is prerequisite to being ready for show and tell if you believe there is too much detail (e.g. real names or initials... for if too many match then someone may become suspicious). On the other hand, you have been sharing your thoughts with as yet unknown friends (i.e. strangers) for quite some time.

I have mentioned some details of people with no extraneous information which could identify anyone else or myself (unless you knew which sequence of events I attended on a particular day).

My goal, in part, was plausible deniability, but it gives me something more: the ability to connect the dots for other people only when I wish them to see me.

Short answer

Sanitize your data or lock any truly sensitive entries.