Just a quick note that the lawyer, aka date #3, called today. I was really happy. We just chatted about politics and our work, and he said he would talk to me later. It seems he is quite deliberative and moves slowly. I think that he wants to go out again, but it may take him a few phone calls to get there (We didn't set up our first date until our second phone call). Plus, I told him that my mom will be in town this weekend, which is true. So, I am trying to be cautiously optimistic about a second date and not think beyond that. This was a quick infusion of self-esteem at a time when I REALLY needed it.
I figured that since I have been complaining so much about my life, I would tell you all about this. Thanks for "listening."
Also, my blog was featured on Haveil-Havalim today. I'm so excited. I'm hoping to get some more readers who don't know me personally. Thanks a lot to Shira and Jack for recommending this to me.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Friday, February 8, 2008
Two Strikes . . .
So here's the latest report from dating-land:
I told the Israeli guy that I thought we didn't have too much in common (or much to say to each other). He seemed pretty upset and asked if I was sure I didn't want to go out on one more date. I said yes. I felt bad about this but also found it to be a confirmation of the Murphy's Law of Katrina's dating: Apparently, another thing we didn't have in common was perception of what constitutes an awkward date.
Then, the guy from the second date, the fun one, told me today that he doesn't think we clicked or will click in the future. This one pissed me off. This is an older guy (10-15 years older than I am), and he is pretty average in terms of what people stereotypically usually look for in guys: looks, job, apartment, etc. On the other hand, he is pretty weird in terms of interests, which I will not delineate here for fear of being too specific. He basically had two concerns: we're at different places in life, and we don't have too many overlapping interests. Give me a freaking break. If I were his age, I would be eager to start a relationship, not looking for excuses not to start one. Perhaps I am naive, but it has never been my policy to try to date someone who is exactly like me. If two people spend time together, their interests will ideally get closer together. If you're a squash fanatic, I might start playing squash with you, and at the same time, you might start organizing your week around my favorite television show so that we can watch together. This guy is sufficiently weird that he will never find someone who has all of his interests. If that is his method, he won't ever find anyone.
And maybe that's the point. I spoke to a good friend of mine, a professor in New York, about this guy and the date. She expressed herself more eloquently, but basically she said that from my description (this was before I talked to the guy, based on my report of the date and the fact he hadn't called), this guy sounded like a freak and a loser. If people aren't married by his age, she said, it may be that they cannot give of themselves. (That may why be the very idea of doing something that he hasn't done before, merely because I am interested in it, strikes fear in his heart). She is frum, so some people might say that she has too narrow a view of what relationships should be, but in my opinion, ca. 40 is ca. 40, regardless of whether he watches TV.
From my perspective, another potential problem is that I am far more accomplished than he was at my age. In the frum world, this seems less of a problem than in the regular, Conservative/Conservadox world (Older Guy is an active member of one of the shuls I go to). That has to do with concrete socio-economic factors, and I am not judging either world, but the religious issues that I encounter are just piled on by guys sometimes not being interested in smart, ambitious women. I can't say that this was a factor for Older Guy, merely that it could have been.
The third date was fine, conversational but low-key, but I kind of doubt he will call, since I don't exactly seem to be batting 1000 lately . . .
I told the Israeli guy that I thought we didn't have too much in common (or much to say to each other). He seemed pretty upset and asked if I was sure I didn't want to go out on one more date. I said yes. I felt bad about this but also found it to be a confirmation of the Murphy's Law of Katrina's dating: Apparently, another thing we didn't have in common was perception of what constitutes an awkward date.
Then, the guy from the second date, the fun one, told me today that he doesn't think we clicked or will click in the future. This one pissed me off. This is an older guy (10-15 years older than I am), and he is pretty average in terms of what people stereotypically usually look for in guys: looks, job, apartment, etc. On the other hand, he is pretty weird in terms of interests, which I will not delineate here for fear of being too specific. He basically had two concerns: we're at different places in life, and we don't have too many overlapping interests. Give me a freaking break. If I were his age, I would be eager to start a relationship, not looking for excuses not to start one. Perhaps I am naive, but it has never been my policy to try to date someone who is exactly like me. If two people spend time together, their interests will ideally get closer together. If you're a squash fanatic, I might start playing squash with you, and at the same time, you might start organizing your week around my favorite television show so that we can watch together. This guy is sufficiently weird that he will never find someone who has all of his interests. If that is his method, he won't ever find anyone.
And maybe that's the point. I spoke to a good friend of mine, a professor in New York, about this guy and the date. She expressed herself more eloquently, but basically she said that from my description (this was before I talked to the guy, based on my report of the date and the fact he hadn't called), this guy sounded like a freak and a loser. If people aren't married by his age, she said, it may be that they cannot give of themselves. (That may why be the very idea of doing something that he hasn't done before, merely because I am interested in it, strikes fear in his heart). She is frum, so some people might say that she has too narrow a view of what relationships should be, but in my opinion, ca. 40 is ca. 40, regardless of whether he watches TV.
From my perspective, another potential problem is that I am far more accomplished than he was at my age. In the frum world, this seems less of a problem than in the regular, Conservative/Conservadox world (Older Guy is an active member of one of the shuls I go to). That has to do with concrete socio-economic factors, and I am not judging either world, but the religious issues that I encounter are just piled on by guys sometimes not being interested in smart, ambitious women. I can't say that this was a factor for Older Guy, merely that it could have been.
The third date was fine, conversational but low-key, but I kind of doubt he will call, since I don't exactly seem to be batting 1000 lately . . .
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Overwhelmed
Katrina is, you guessed it, overwhelmed. I suppose this happens to everyone occasionally, but I feel guilty about being overwhelmed since I basically have no life. Somewhere in my town there is a mother with 4 kids, a full-time job, and a do-nothing husband who demands that she make dinner, who is also feeling overwhelmed, but she is justified. One of the interesting features of modern upper-middle-class single life is that it leaves a fair amount of time for thinking too much, perhaps on a scale unprecedented in history.
So why am I feeling overwhelmed? There are a few factors. First, my dissertation. I am up to my neck in books to read, and I am having trouble organizing my time. I keep thinking that it would be best for me to have large blocks of uninterrupted time to work, but in fact I work better if I know some activity to attend that acts as a deadline before which I have to get someting done. Knowing that I am supposed to be done in three semesters is just starting to hit me. Some of my friends who are a year ahead of me in the program have on-campus job interviews coming up. It turns out that every school, including Do You Want Fries with That U, demands, in addition to the application submitted in the fall, an approximately 30-minute talk, in which one's research has to be made palatable to non-specialists, a lecture to actual undergraduates and/or a discussion of one's teaching philosophy, and an overview of future projects. This semester is supposed to be the most productive one of my life, since starting in the fall I will be the one applying to jobs for the first time and having to sell myself in this time-guzzling manner. Great. No pressure.
Now, my love life. Israeli guy did, indeed, call me on Thursday (oh, disinterested Katrina is so hot!), and he said he would call back, which he hasn't. This is a relief to me because I don't know what to say to him. I had another date on Thursday night, with a different guy, whom I liked, and now I get to wait for him to call or e-mail. This guy I was interested in, so it's touch and go. I REALLY want to wait for him to call and not jump the gun, since I think this is the best way to gauge his interest in me, but I have poor impulse control and have to struggle constantly not to pick up the phone or at least send him some light-hearted e-mail. Does anyone have suggestions about how NOT to call, other than hiding my cell phone?
On Tuesday, I have a third date, with a guy I "met" and e-mailed with on JDate a half-dozen times and talked to on the phone twice. You're probably saying, I can't believe Katrina is complaining. THREE dates in two weeks? Fair enough. I want to emphasize, though, that I had no dates between Chol HaMoed Sukkot and December 23rd, when I had a perfectly nice dinner with a Frumster guy who was so hashkafically to the right of me that I almost burst out laughting over my cucumber martini. These three Jan./Feb. dates were the culmination of a lot of getting myself out there singles-wise in late 2007 and early 2008. I'm not saying that I deserve them, per se, but I went through a lot of humiliation to get them, and if even one resulted in a second date actaully desired by both parties, that would be a lot. I have low expectations going into the JDate date Tuesday because, like many guys on JDate, this guy is smart and cute and is probably not too observant at all despite the "Conservative" label. This is my experience with JDate and Frumster, respectively: JDate guys tend to be way to the left of me, while Frumster guys are way to the right. My parents, and especialy my father, are urging me to date guys more to the left, because the odds of finding an unmarried Conservadox guy with fewer than 3 heads are low. I am beginning to agree, but that's putting the cart before the horse for now.
Then there is the connection between work and love life, with the rest of my social life, such as it is, thrown in there for fun. The problem is that I am exhausted. I am not a high-energy person, and I am shy, although most people don't realize that about me, since I SEEM confident, and the putting myself out there and then actually going on the dates that eventually result is taking a lot out of me. Then I note all the time I haven't worked, and I get freaked out. This doesn't help my work, and it makes me more determined than ever that at least one of these dates HAS to work out, because how else will I explain to my advisor that I haven't produced some written work by X or Y date? Don't worry, I don't actually talk to my advisor about my love life, good or bad. Then I want to do other things, with actual friends who I already know and get along with, and I have no time for that, what with the dates and the working. Hence the overwhelmed-ness. Any ideas on how to get through this, as I imagine some of my readers have had to do at some point or another, would be appreciated. Hint: starting slack-jawed at Law and Order reruns on TNT doesn't work. I have tried.
Shavua Tov everyone.
So why am I feeling overwhelmed? There are a few factors. First, my dissertation. I am up to my neck in books to read, and I am having trouble organizing my time. I keep thinking that it would be best for me to have large blocks of uninterrupted time to work, but in fact I work better if I know some activity to attend that acts as a deadline before which I have to get someting done. Knowing that I am supposed to be done in three semesters is just starting to hit me. Some of my friends who are a year ahead of me in the program have on-campus job interviews coming up. It turns out that every school, including Do You Want Fries with That U, demands, in addition to the application submitted in the fall, an approximately 30-minute talk, in which one's research has to be made palatable to non-specialists, a lecture to actual undergraduates and/or a discussion of one's teaching philosophy, and an overview of future projects. This semester is supposed to be the most productive one of my life, since starting in the fall I will be the one applying to jobs for the first time and having to sell myself in this time-guzzling manner. Great. No pressure.
Now, my love life. Israeli guy did, indeed, call me on Thursday (oh, disinterested Katrina is so hot!), and he said he would call back, which he hasn't. This is a relief to me because I don't know what to say to him. I had another date on Thursday night, with a different guy, whom I liked, and now I get to wait for him to call or e-mail. This guy I was interested in, so it's touch and go. I REALLY want to wait for him to call and not jump the gun, since I think this is the best way to gauge his interest in me, but I have poor impulse control and have to struggle constantly not to pick up the phone or at least send him some light-hearted e-mail. Does anyone have suggestions about how NOT to call, other than hiding my cell phone?
On Tuesday, I have a third date, with a guy I "met" and e-mailed with on JDate a half-dozen times and talked to on the phone twice. You're probably saying, I can't believe Katrina is complaining. THREE dates in two weeks? Fair enough. I want to emphasize, though, that I had no dates between Chol HaMoed Sukkot and December 23rd, when I had a perfectly nice dinner with a Frumster guy who was so hashkafically to the right of me that I almost burst out laughting over my cucumber martini. These three Jan./Feb. dates were the culmination of a lot of getting myself out there singles-wise in late 2007 and early 2008. I'm not saying that I deserve them, per se, but I went through a lot of humiliation to get them, and if even one resulted in a second date actaully desired by both parties, that would be a lot. I have low expectations going into the JDate date Tuesday because, like many guys on JDate, this guy is smart and cute and is probably not too observant at all despite the "Conservative" label. This is my experience with JDate and Frumster, respectively: JDate guys tend to be way to the left of me, while Frumster guys are way to the right. My parents, and especialy my father, are urging me to date guys more to the left, because the odds of finding an unmarried Conservadox guy with fewer than 3 heads are low. I am beginning to agree, but that's putting the cart before the horse for now.
Then there is the connection between work and love life, with the rest of my social life, such as it is, thrown in there for fun. The problem is that I am exhausted. I am not a high-energy person, and I am shy, although most people don't realize that about me, since I SEEM confident, and the putting myself out there and then actually going on the dates that eventually result is taking a lot out of me. Then I note all the time I haven't worked, and I get freaked out. This doesn't help my work, and it makes me more determined than ever that at least one of these dates HAS to work out, because how else will I explain to my advisor that I haven't produced some written work by X or Y date? Don't worry, I don't actually talk to my advisor about my love life, good or bad. Then I want to do other things, with actual friends who I already know and get along with, and I have no time for that, what with the dates and the working. Hence the overwhelmed-ness. Any ideas on how to get through this, as I imagine some of my readers have had to do at some point or another, would be appreciated. Hint: starting slack-jawed at Law and Order reruns on TNT doesn't work. I have tried.
Shavua Tov everyone.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The Matchmaker
Tonight, I had my first date since I started the blog. Don't worry; it wasn't with a matchmaker. It was set up by a matchmaker. This is not a matchmaker in the shadchan sense but someone more modern than that. I decided it would be a good alternative to JDate, which is not to say that I haven't had some good luck with JDate (The Ex, for example).
It turns out it wasn't such a good alternative, though, since on JDate I would have had to make an effort to find someone I had less in common with than this guy. He was a perfectly nice guy, but did she pick his name out of a hat? He is Israeli, around my age, lived in Europe for a few years, and is now getting his M.B.A. at one of the foremost schools of hotel management in the U.S. He is one of the only Israelis I have ever met with an accent I have trouble understanding (I think that his time in Europe may have changed his accent). On the phone I can barely understand him, and even sitting across from him in a restaurant I didn't catch everything. But maybe that's okay, because (and this is the key part of why the date didn't work) we had VERY LITTLE to say to each other. We (mostly I) were able to keep the conversation going for two hours because we had never met and could exchange information about our families, jobs, etc., but already towards the end we were running out of things to talk about. Not promising.
OK, perhaps I am being too hard on the matchmaker. This guy and I actually have three things in common: 1) he's somewhat observant; 2) he loves to read; 3) he likes travel to Europe. I think that the matchmaker, whose practice is largely regular American Conservative, thinks that any two people who are more observant than that will have lots in common. Or maybe I'm being too cynical. The point is that there was no click, which was disappointing. I almost never have luck with dating Israelis. I think there's a big cultural difference in many cases.
My parents asked me if I will go out to him again. I told him that whenever I am completely non-interested in a guy, he calls. I guess my dad is right that non-interest is a turn-on. If only I could fake it for guys I DO like.
It turns out it wasn't such a good alternative, though, since on JDate I would have had to make an effort to find someone I had less in common with than this guy. He was a perfectly nice guy, but did she pick his name out of a hat? He is Israeli, around my age, lived in Europe for a few years, and is now getting his M.B.A. at one of the foremost schools of hotel management in the U.S. He is one of the only Israelis I have ever met with an accent I have trouble understanding (I think that his time in Europe may have changed his accent). On the phone I can barely understand him, and even sitting across from him in a restaurant I didn't catch everything. But maybe that's okay, because (and this is the key part of why the date didn't work) we had VERY LITTLE to say to each other. We (mostly I) were able to keep the conversation going for two hours because we had never met and could exchange information about our families, jobs, etc., but already towards the end we were running out of things to talk about. Not promising.
OK, perhaps I am being too hard on the matchmaker. This guy and I actually have three things in common: 1) he's somewhat observant; 2) he loves to read; 3) he likes travel to Europe. I think that the matchmaker, whose practice is largely regular American Conservative, thinks that any two people who are more observant than that will have lots in common. Or maybe I'm being too cynical. The point is that there was no click, which was disappointing. I almost never have luck with dating Israelis. I think there's a big cultural difference in many cases.
My parents asked me if I will go out to him again. I told him that whenever I am completely non-interested in a guy, he calls. I guess my dad is right that non-interest is a turn-on. If only I could fake it for guys I DO like.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Conservadoxy and its Discontents
I know, creative subject line. I have wished since at least when I worked on my high school paper that I could make up short, witty titles for articles and other short prose, but I can't. Oh, well.
So, what does Conservadoxy mean to Katrina, you might ask? If you consider yourself Conservadox, you might have a vague idea, or you might disagree violently with what I am about to say. If you are not Conservadox, you might think Conservadoxy is a bunch of nahrishkeit, but the same can be said for a lot of Jewish labels and the particular teeny tiny hashkafic segments of the Jewish world they represent. Here is my answer, anyway, in list form (it is not only my views but also, I hope, contains enough hedging/grab-bagging to snag others too):
1. Being Shomer (or in my case Shomeret) Shabbat and Yom Tov
2. Keeping hekhsher kosher in the house, assuming you don't live in Arkansas or Europe or some place like that, and perhaps outside, too, or perhaps eating some fish and dairy out and feeling guilty about it
3. Being comfortable with davening in either an Orthodox minyan or a so-called Traditional Egalitarian minyan (essentially same liturgy as Orthodox, full Torah reading, but women lead and read Torah, and women and men sit togther); now I now some will say that you don't have to be comfortable in a mechitsa minyan to be Conservadox, and I don't disagree--I just happen to be.
4. At least entertaining the idea of Taharat Ha'Mishpachah after marriage, plus some (varying based on the person, but probably not skirt-related) definition of tzniut before marriage
5. Wearing pants and not feeling guilty about it, if you're a woman
6. Some kind of davening commitment, whether it be the whole shebang on Shabbat, or Shabbat plus one service per day approximately during the week, or more of course
7. Some kind of regular Torah study commitment
8. Having some halakhic principles
Perhpas the real purpose of this post is to complain about #8. I live in a community in which I increasingly feel that people who look at things halakhically are considered Conservadox or Orthodox, while people who don't are considered tolerant and friendly. I don't want to get into the specifics of halakhic controversies that have ensnared at least one of the shuls where I daven, since I am trying for at least some degree of anonymity here. Also there is the lashon hara thing, which maybe I should have put on my list above. The point is that in a shul in which I sometimes daven, which identifies itself as post-denominational, which I consider to be another name for Conservative (and that at least is their style of davening), there have been two halakhic controversies this academic year. It may not be correct to call them halakhic controversies, though, because in both cases, one side has placed halakhic considerations as the number one determining factor in the final decision, and the other has not. Those of us who have the temerity to suggest that although some situations are unfortunate and hurt people's feelings, they still have to be resolved with halakhah firmly mind, have mostly been dismissed as Orthodox and therefore out of touch with the concerns of the majority of people in the shul, and/or intolerant, and/or unfeeling. This disturbs me greatly. I am not unfeeling. I'm not exactly a fundamentalist, but what Conservadoxy means to me, increasingly, is holding the line against Conservative Judaism and its meta-halakhic standpoint. I think that some of the problem in the case of this shul is the massive under-education of many of its members, which is not their fault. Plus there is shul politics and the bonds of friendship, which admittedly makes things more dificult.
Don't worry. This blog is not going to be me venting about my various shuls. I have just been frustrated about this for a long time and wanted to get it off my chest. End of rant.
So, what does Conservadoxy mean to Katrina, you might ask? If you consider yourself Conservadox, you might have a vague idea, or you might disagree violently with what I am about to say. If you are not Conservadox, you might think Conservadoxy is a bunch of nahrishkeit, but the same can be said for a lot of Jewish labels and the particular teeny tiny hashkafic segments of the Jewish world they represent. Here is my answer, anyway, in list form (it is not only my views but also, I hope, contains enough hedging/grab-bagging to snag others too):
1. Being Shomer (or in my case Shomeret) Shabbat and Yom Tov
2. Keeping hekhsher kosher in the house, assuming you don't live in Arkansas or Europe or some place like that, and perhaps outside, too, or perhaps eating some fish and dairy out and feeling guilty about it
3. Being comfortable with davening in either an Orthodox minyan or a so-called Traditional Egalitarian minyan (essentially same liturgy as Orthodox, full Torah reading, but women lead and read Torah, and women and men sit togther); now I now some will say that you don't have to be comfortable in a mechitsa minyan to be Conservadox, and I don't disagree--I just happen to be.
4. At least entertaining the idea of Taharat Ha'Mishpachah after marriage, plus some (varying based on the person, but probably not skirt-related) definition of tzniut before marriage
5. Wearing pants and not feeling guilty about it, if you're a woman
6. Some kind of davening commitment, whether it be the whole shebang on Shabbat, or Shabbat plus one service per day approximately during the week, or more of course
7. Some kind of regular Torah study commitment
8. Having some halakhic principles
Perhpas the real purpose of this post is to complain about #8. I live in a community in which I increasingly feel that people who look at things halakhically are considered Conservadox or Orthodox, while people who don't are considered tolerant and friendly. I don't want to get into the specifics of halakhic controversies that have ensnared at least one of the shuls where I daven, since I am trying for at least some degree of anonymity here. Also there is the lashon hara thing, which maybe I should have put on my list above. The point is that in a shul in which I sometimes daven, which identifies itself as post-denominational, which I consider to be another name for Conservative (and that at least is their style of davening), there have been two halakhic controversies this academic year. It may not be correct to call them halakhic controversies, though, because in both cases, one side has placed halakhic considerations as the number one determining factor in the final decision, and the other has not. Those of us who have the temerity to suggest that although some situations are unfortunate and hurt people's feelings, they still have to be resolved with halakhah firmly mind, have mostly been dismissed as Orthodox and therefore out of touch with the concerns of the majority of people in the shul, and/or intolerant, and/or unfeeling. This disturbs me greatly. I am not unfeeling. I'm not exactly a fundamentalist, but what Conservadoxy means to me, increasingly, is holding the line against Conservative Judaism and its meta-halakhic standpoint. I think that some of the problem in the case of this shul is the massive under-education of many of its members, which is not their fault. Plus there is shul politics and the bonds of friendship, which admittedly makes things more dificult.
Don't worry. This blog is not going to be me venting about my various shuls. I have just been frustrated about this for a long time and wanted to get it off my chest. End of rant.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Vibes (or, The Shaigetz, Part II)
So, I was talking with the Shaigetz yesterday. We have been talking about the issue of him semi-consciously sending me weird vibes that distract me. He has apologized and promised to cut it out if at all possible, and I have said that I get he's an affectionate person, and I'm glad our friendship means a lot to him, but, you know, I have to do work every once and a while!
Then we got onto the issue of vibes within the Cambridge Conservative/Conservadox/Modern Orthodox singles community. I told him that one reason why his vibes kind of threw me for a loop was that in the singles community here--which isn't formal like the one on NY's Upper West Side but rather is made up of whoever happens to be single and may be interested in not being single forever--THERE ARE NO VIBES. Everyone is so terrified of accidentally conveying interest, which could be returned, of course, but is more likely to render everything awkward and/or invite crushing rejection before anyone even knows anyone else very well, that it is as though I am in an emotional vacuum every time I try to have a conversation with any single male of the opposite sex in my age bracket. Part of the problem is that the community is so small that no one wants to alienate anyone else. That's fine, but how am I supposed to know if I even want to ask you out/be asked out by you, Mr. Local Single Male of the Opposite Sex in My Age Bracket (Mr. LSMOSMAB, for short), if you won't answer my e-mails or have more than a ten-minute conversation with me? This is not a rhetorical question. Seriously, how?
Then we got onto the issue of vibes within the Cambridge Conservative/Conservadox/Modern Orthodox singles community. I told him that one reason why his vibes kind of threw me for a loop was that in the singles community here--which isn't formal like the one on NY's Upper West Side but rather is made up of whoever happens to be single and may be interested in not being single forever--THERE ARE NO VIBES. Everyone is so terrified of accidentally conveying interest, which could be returned, of course, but is more likely to render everything awkward and/or invite crushing rejection before anyone even knows anyone else very well, that it is as though I am in an emotional vacuum every time I try to have a conversation with any single male of the opposite sex in my age bracket. Part of the problem is that the community is so small that no one wants to alienate anyone else. That's fine, but how am I supposed to know if I even want to ask you out/be asked out by you, Mr. Local Single Male of the Opposite Sex in My Age Bracket (Mr. LSMOSMAB, for short), if you won't answer my e-mails or have more than a ten-minute conversation with me? This is not a rhetorical question. Seriously, how?
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
The Shaigetz
First of all, I know that this is not a politically correct designation, but it has more of a ring to it than "the non-Jew." It also suggests the intensity of communal disapproval of inter-dating and intermarriage, which I support. The Shaigetz is a colleague who grew up in a very Jewish town and knows more about Judaism than some Jews I know. I realize this makes no halakhic difference.
Okay, enough about terminology. The Shaigetz bought me jewelry on his trip abroad to visit his brother. He gave me the bracelet today. Oh, boy. It's beautiful. I know that I am starved for male attention, and it doesn't help that he is my preferred physical type, single, and a great guy. I am have been seriously considering jumping his bones. I know that is a terrible idea.
Fortunately, I have a fair amount of self-control, and although I do not consider myself a halakhic Jew, I believe that one of the key things that the Torah and halakhah are trying to teach us is that we do not have to give into our desires. This is not about my going all Protestant on your ass. One of the values of kashrut, I think, is to remind us that we are not just animals who eat everything in front of us; we take a moment to wash our hands and say brachot to remind us of the fact that we are supposed to be "k'doshim" (and also that food comes from God). When I was with my Ex, we were not Shomer Nagiah or anything, and sex is not how I roll, but I did think carefully about what we did do. It's part of balancing modern and traditional Jewish values. Oh, boy, being Conservadox is fun. I'm going to throw myself into my work now.
Okay, enough about terminology. The Shaigetz bought me jewelry on his trip abroad to visit his brother. He gave me the bracelet today. Oh, boy. It's beautiful. I know that I am starved for male attention, and it doesn't help that he is my preferred physical type, single, and a great guy. I am have been seriously considering jumping his bones. I know that is a terrible idea.
Fortunately, I have a fair amount of self-control, and although I do not consider myself a halakhic Jew, I believe that one of the key things that the Torah and halakhah are trying to teach us is that we do not have to give into our desires. This is not about my going all Protestant on your ass. One of the values of kashrut, I think, is to remind us that we are not just animals who eat everything in front of us; we take a moment to wash our hands and say brachot to remind us of the fact that we are supposed to be "k'doshim" (and also that food comes from God). When I was with my Ex, we were not Shomer Nagiah or anything, and sex is not how I roll, but I did think carefully about what we did do. It's part of balancing modern and traditional Jewish values. Oh, boy, being Conservadox is fun. I'm going to throw myself into my work now.
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